onto the next

told my boss in march that i wanted off overnights and wanted my weekends free. got the runaround about not being able to find anyone despite other co-workers requesting to work 3rd shift. i was tired of going back and forth from day to night hours. also sometime in march one of the other delivery drivers crashed the van into a gas pump. how he pulled that off, i have no clue. this resulted in us getting a camera put in the work van. that was buzzkill #1 for my delivery shifts. buzzkill #2 was he and the other guy being lazy and doordashing a majority of orders so most of the regulars would stop ordering or people would call the store to find out who was delivering.

 

eventually our weeknight 3rd shifter got fired. i got asked to do that shift instead. like an idiot, i took it so i could have my weekends free. i've been telling my boss a minimum of once a week since i went on strictly 3rd shift that i didn't feel it was a good fit nor did i feel like it was working out for me. i would get pretty detailed about how certain things that would happen regularly would trigger symptoms and why that was why i felt like i wasn't the best choice to be left by myself all night. she would listen and usually say some shit to reassure me i was the most qualified person for it. i've been hearing since march that she's trying to find someone else for 3rd shift. i would bring up the person on 2nd shift who has requested multiple times to work 3rd and hear about how they are too lazy. this person is allowed to be "lazy" and not get written up or fired. why am i working harder than others if this is all true then?

 

she would vent to me most mornings about how inept the vroom drivers and maintenance guy are while i'm working a shift i hate and know that there are others who want that shift.

 

monday night i go in and the fresh blends machine is tore apart, logged into maintenance mode and cleaning itself. i ask the 2nd shifter why it's like that and he tells me my boss left it that way and she also left the store pissed off. i texted her asking if there was anything i needed to do with it and got no reply. a few hours go by and i'm ringing up some customers and notice the machine is spraying out water all over the floor and i call my boss and get no answer.

 

i don't think the job is hard but the combination of being expected to keep tabs on the liquor aisle and keep other theft down, clean the entire store and bathrooms, clean up after 2nd shift (throw away their various garbage or move dirty cups and tupperware regularly) and do all the easy stocking they neglect before i even get to what i'm expected to do on 3rd shift it's all more than i feel like i'm being fairly compensated for and most importantly i hate what it's doing to my mental health.

 

since i started there last july i've had to deal with a lot of various shit that triggers multiple symptoms. some of which i haven't dealt with since originally being diagnosed in 2007. being there alone all night, unable to vent and expected not to take a break or lunch gets old fast. all of it wore me down until i hit my breaking point this week. i let them know i was leaving on monday morning and that i wouldn't be in for my monday night shift. i had planned on finishing up my 2 weeks.

 

i went in last night and started my routine like normal. i went into the men's bathroom and it was completely filthy. balled up wet paper towel in the urinal. diarrhea and piss and TP in the toilet. TP and paper towels balled up all over the floor. the garbage can overflowing. the mirror cloudy. the breaking point for me was seeing an unused roll of the toilet paper we stock the bathrooms with sitting on top of the dispenser. that would tell me that one of my co-workers was in there, saw the mess and couldn't be bothered to even put the TP in right let alone clean any of it. 

 

i came out of the bathroom and started to count cigarettes but my emotions were getting the best of me. as i'm trying to count cigarettes, there was a regular hovering at the counter. this lanky white dipshit who wears a covid mask and insists on seeing and touching all the obscure cans of chewing tobacco that nobody else buys. he's standing there pestering me about some Cougar brand bullshit while i'm clearly counting and there is someone else at the register. i started to daydream about bouncing his face off the counter by yanking his covid mask and realized i counted too much on the cigarettes. at some point my thoughts came screeching to a halt and i froze. i couldn't even respond to him or my co-worker and i went into the office and called my boss. 

 

i don't remember what i said other than telling her she needed to get there ASAP. i couldn't even focus enough to coherently get an uber and ended up leaving on foot. 

 

this is the last i'm going to vent about that shithole. i don't really expect anyone to read all this i just want to get it out of my head and go on with my life. it's probably not much of a secret that i've been in a dark place mentally for awhile and i'm hoping getting out of such a toxic environment will benefit me in the long run. for now, i'll be happy when my brain untangles and i can process things with a little more clarity.