s̶c̶o̶t̶t̶ ̶g̶a̶l̶v̶i̶n̶

I want to practice strategy this year bc i think it’ll help me have more situational awareness and think ahead. I think I’ve done some rounds kinda good but the problem is im kinda stupid n i focus more on assault than defense and also i think i literally dont know how to get anything other than a stalemate. Books seem to defeat the purpose though bc why would i want to just memorize moves…. the only “set” moves i have are opening up space for my bishops in the very beginning lol.


[Date "2026.01.16"]
[Termination "by stalemate"]

1. g3 d5 {Only the unprepared get nervous.} 2. b3 Bg4 3. f3 {I see exactly what
you are doing.} 3... Bh5 4. Bh3 a5 5. Bb2 Qc8 6. Bxc8 {You fell for it $1} 6...
Na6 {You're probably looking at the wrong thing.} 7. Bxb7 a4 8. Bc3 Ra7 9. bxa4
e6 10. Nh3 c5 11. Bc6+ {A mild distraction.} 11... Ke7 12. Bb5 {You might think
I'm losing, but it's actually a trap $1} 12... Ra8 13. Be5 Bg4 14. fxg4 Nb4 15.
O-O f6 16. Bc7 c4 17. d3 Nxd3 18. cxd3 g5 19. Bb6 cxd3 20. exd3 Rc8 21. Bc5+ Kd8
22. Bb6+ Ke7 23. Ba6 Rc6 24. Ba7 Bh6 25. Nc3 Rc7 26. Nb5 Rd7 27. Bb8 Bf8 28. Nd4
Ra7 29. Bxa7 Nh6 30. Bc5+ Kf7 31. Bb4 Nxg4 32. Bc3 Bd6 33. Bd2 Ba3 34. Bc8 h6
35. Bd7 Rb8 36. Ba5 Ne5 37. Bb5 Kg8 38. Nxe6 Kh8 39. Bc7 Nf3+ {Pay no attention
to your king.} 40. Rxf3 Bb2 41. Bxb8 Bxa1 42. Bd6 Bb2 43. Rxf6 Bxf6 44. Qf3 Bc3
45. Kg2 Be1 46. Be7 Bc3 47. Bf8 Kh7 48. Nhxg5+ hxg5 49. Nxg5+ Kg6 50. Qf4 Bg7
51. Bxg7 Kxg7 52. Ne6+ Kh7 53. Qf7+ Kh6 54. Qf6+ Kh7 55. Qf7+ Kh6 56. Nf4 d4 57.
Nh3 {Good game $1 You're a tough opponent.} 1/2-1/2

I didnt save this for one that i actually really liked the moves i was making u can tell at the end of this i really had no idea what i was doing

I think in trying to get out of my head these past few years ive neglected any challenging form of intellectualism and introspection. I’ve given up on plans and operate on impulse only. I haven’t worked on any of my serious mental flaws, namely my inability to connect my thoughts in a nice manner or even really my ability to understand what point im trying to get at anyway. I don’t think I’m terrible at it but i have room to improve and it would be nice to write again and for myself. Before I basically tossed academia aside i really wanted to write a research paper on statelessness and identity and i think such a paper would be very cathartic. I find it hard to remedy my need to have a project with a tangible purpose with projects i would just want to do. No one would read the paper and it would matter to me only which would count as a waste of time—a massive one at that—but who cares?? I’ve given up on quite a few things since I didnt really use them often in a way that seemed worth it. Wanted to learn to code for fun but I cant see myself diving deep enough into it for it to amount to anything more than little useless projects. I also dont want to spend much time on a screen which is why research writing is something im mulling over. I know how to research in person dont get me wrong but many sources would probably be online anyway…. But I would like to write more and feel like I can still make a logically-flowing piece. I feel so brain dead too many days…. T_T
The way I struggle to form sentences and coherent logic or even write in a way that isnt cliche phrases is indicative of a larger personal flaw. I have never been a consistent person. Never been able to follow things through. Never done things on my own accord that take long amounts of work for payoff that isnt tangible, not something I can touch or see. Its hard to work for things that only improve my character or intellectual state. And i’m finding it harder to value my intellect but i do recognize i need to find the balance between the tangible and the purely intellectual. I’m just terrible with balance. Always, always inconsistent…. I get good at things but it bursts. I spiral up and down, sway left and right. I want to put in work and not have it be a consistent input. I dont want to keep having to relearn things and habits. Just one and done would be nice…