i've sat down several times since january to write here and each time my mind wanders or the ambition disappears just as fast as it came.
i had an appt with the urologist in chicago on st. patrick's day. the driver my insurance sent to pick me up was a half hour late and got me to my appt 45 minutes late and they had already cancelled me because of a no show.
i made another appt, this one in may, and the driver my insurance sent was late again. i told them my appt was a half hour earlier than it really was to avoid the same issue, it happened anyway. so this time i cancelled the appt myself and rescheduled for july 16.
i drank a fifth of vodka a few days before my appointment and spent a few days after throwing up, unable to keep anything down. i ended up cancelling the appt because of my stupidity. i had a ride lined up from someone i knew, so this one was totally my fault. i am angry with myself.
i stopped drinking for a few years. in 2023 i got drunk and ended up sick for days. i didn't drink again til mid 2024 and it went okay. i've drank the most i have in years this year but it's been like 8 times, this was the only time i didn't get beer and i overdid it. i don't plan on drinking again. i don't really like it but i get the urge sometimes. it makes me feel nostalgic about my 20s and i enjoy it for like a half hour then wish i didn't drink.
this is a far cry from drinking every night or drinking every show. i'm glad i have no tolerance for alcohol and getting sick this time will be something to remind myself of next time i find myself wanting to drink.
i quit drinking energy drinks every day as well. i went down to one a week for a bit, now it's more like one a month.
there's also the issue of my enlarged prostate. shouldn't be drinking alcohol or caffeine at all. i'm still in pain but nothing like when i went to the emergency room. the medicine i'm on seems to help a bit. it's been rough on me mentally.
my life is boring, i prefer it that way for now. i think about doing comedy again from time to time but the ambition fades fast. i don't remember a majority of my old material. i also don't want to be the guy going up and telling the same shit for 10+ years. that's sad to me. any new material i've written just stares back at me like "why bother" and i agree. my attitude may change eventually. i look at the equipment i bought to run shows and think that i should at least be running an open mic. who knows.
i had an appt with the urologist in chicago on st. patrick's day. the driver my insurance sent to pick me up was a half hour late and got me to my appt 45 minutes late and they had already cancelled me because of a no show.
i made another appt, this one in may, and the driver my insurance sent was late again. i told them my appt was a half hour earlier than it really was to avoid the same issue, it happened anyway. so this time i cancelled the appt myself and rescheduled for july 16.
i drank a fifth of vodka a few days before my appointment and spent a few days after throwing up, unable to keep anything down. i ended up cancelling the appt because of my stupidity. i had a ride lined up from someone i knew, so this one was totally my fault. i am angry with myself.
i stopped drinking for a few years. in 2023 i got drunk and ended up sick for days. i didn't drink again til mid 2024 and it went okay. i've drank the most i have in years this year but it's been like 8 times, this was the only time i didn't get beer and i overdid it. i don't plan on drinking again. i don't really like it but i get the urge sometimes. it makes me feel nostalgic about my 20s and i enjoy it for like a half hour then wish i didn't drink.
this is a far cry from drinking every night or drinking every show. i'm glad i have no tolerance for alcohol and getting sick this time will be something to remind myself of next time i find myself wanting to drink.
i quit drinking energy drinks every day as well. i went down to one a week for a bit, now it's more like one a month.
there's also the issue of my enlarged prostate. shouldn't be drinking alcohol or caffeine at all. i'm still in pain but nothing like when i went to the emergency room. the medicine i'm on seems to help a bit. it's been rough on me mentally.
my life is boring, i prefer it that way for now. i think about doing comedy again from time to time but the ambition fades fast. i don't remember a majority of my old material. i also don't want to be the guy going up and telling the same shit for 10+ years. that's sad to me. any new material i've written just stares back at me like "why bother" and i agree. my attitude may change eventually. i look at the equipment i bought to run shows and think that i should at least be running an open mic. who knows.
