i closed out 2021 in a declining headspace after spending the year doing a lot to better myself. when 2022 began, i had a gut feeling that it was going to be a year of closing up loose ends. it's been an insane year and i'll go into more detail about certain events in the future but i found myself in a writing mood tonight. i had been planning to make a new journal for quite some time and kept putting it off. same goes with a podcast project i've been working on that very well may never see the light of day. the two most significant events for me were that i became homeless and my uncle died. he'd always been like more of a father figure to me and helped me out a lot in life. i was living on a friend's couch when i got the call my uncle passed and spent a couple months feeling like i couldn't properly grieve. i was grateful to have a place to stay but felt so uncomfortable living in someone's living room and didn't want anyone else living there to see me upset. i finally ended up getting into my own place the week before thanksgiving. my goal was to be out of my buddy's house and into somewhere permanent by then and by the grace of the universe, it happened.
my grandma passed in december 2012. i knew that hitting the ten year mark was going to have some effect on me. i'm grateful to have been somewhere safe for that occasion. usually it's a bad day for me, this year was better than other years. i've spent the past month decompressing from the four months that preceded it. i stayed in my grandma's house until 2018. i talked my uncle into letting some family move in after i moved out in 2018. by 2019 i was back at the house, but living in the basement this time. i had many ups and downs during the 3 years i lived there. i'd never gotten along well with the family i was staying with. we'd tried living together in the past and it never works out. i still love them but i can't do it ever again. i am very grateful for the opportunity i had to better understand my mental illness while living there. i was able to live stress free and fix my credit (before ruining it again temporarily) for a bit while i worked through some ongoing mental struggles. i stopped drinking alcohol. i began to eat healthier and exercise often. i was able to transform my body into how i'd wanted it to be for years. i got a much better grip on my eating disorder. i'll go into more detail as to how i became homeless in a later post but for now i just want to focus on the gratitude i have for those who helped me out during one of the rougher periods of my life. i received help and offers of help from many people and i will forever be grateful for their help. i'm incredibly thankful to be in my own place and stable.
i won't view 2022 as a bad year. i also won't be viewing it as a great or even a good year but i will always recognize it for being such a pivotal year in my life. i'm still uncertain about my future. at of the time of this post i haven't performed comedy in 4 months. i have no immediate plans to seek out bookings. i do get the itch to perform once in awhile but i also feel like i need to continue to make my mental health my number one priority for the time being. it'll be another month or two before i fully process everything that's happened this year. i'm still not done processing 2019 and 2020.
my grandma passed in december 2012. i knew that hitting the ten year mark was going to have some effect on me. i'm grateful to have been somewhere safe for that occasion. usually it's a bad day for me, this year was better than other years. i've spent the past month decompressing from the four months that preceded it. i stayed in my grandma's house until 2018. i talked my uncle into letting some family move in after i moved out in 2018. by 2019 i was back at the house, but living in the basement this time. i had many ups and downs during the 3 years i lived there. i'd never gotten along well with the family i was staying with. we'd tried living together in the past and it never works out. i still love them but i can't do it ever again. i am very grateful for the opportunity i had to better understand my mental illness while living there. i was able to live stress free and fix my credit (before ruining it again temporarily) for a bit while i worked through some ongoing mental struggles. i stopped drinking alcohol. i began to eat healthier and exercise often. i was able to transform my body into how i'd wanted it to be for years. i got a much better grip on my eating disorder. i'll go into more detail as to how i became homeless in a later post but for now i just want to focus on the gratitude i have for those who helped me out during one of the rougher periods of my life. i received help and offers of help from many people and i will forever be grateful for their help. i'm incredibly thankful to be in my own place and stable.
i won't view 2022 as a bad year. i also won't be viewing it as a great or even a good year but i will always recognize it for being such a pivotal year in my life. i'm still uncertain about my future. at of the time of this post i haven't performed comedy in 4 months. i have no immediate plans to seek out bookings. i do get the itch to perform once in awhile but i also feel like i need to continue to make my mental health my number one priority for the time being. it'll be another month or two before i fully process everything that's happened this year. i'm still not done processing 2019 and 2020.
