a rant about stigma
Jul. 30th, 2024 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scottgalvinin Feb of 2022 i went to the ER after an episode and was sent home later that night. while i was at the ER i let the doctor know that i had suicidal thoughts earlier in the day but did not act on them and did not feel that i was a danger to myself or anyone else. she spoke with my family and released me to them.
while i was in the ER they drew blood and when i went to go donate plasma the girl doing my intake at CSL noticed the needle mark and i had to go see the nurse. i explained to the nurse why it was there and was asked to bring in paperwork proving i went to the ER. i brought in the paperwork which lead to them seeing why i went to the ER. now it was no longer about the needle mark but my mental health diagnosis was now the concern.
when i first started donating in 2011 i told them my diagnosis because i was on meds for it at the time. i donated regularly off and on over the years and by 2022 my records at CSL showed that i hadn't been on meds for a long time. i gave them the paperwork they asked for and had my doctor fill out the form they wanted. i brought it to them and continuously got the runaround from their nurse and on site doctor. i never got a response as to where my paperwork with my private health info ended up after it was passed along from front desk person, to nurse, to doctor. i gave up after a few months of being put on hold until the line disconnected. i was told i'd get callbacks from the doctor and never did.
i bring all this up because today i went to BioLife as a new donor and went through all the beginning stages of donating plasma with them and their questionairre asked specifically if i had ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia or bipolar. i hit yes. the next question asked if i'd ever been hospitalized. i hit yes. i had to meet with their nurse and had to elaborate on these questions, which i expected. i was then told i couldn't donate today and given paperwork for my doctor to fill out so they can determine if i am eligible.
i understand that this isn't a concrete no or a deferral. it's disheartening to think that because of my diagnosis that i can't be trusted to make my own decision to donate plasma. after my experience with CSL, it's hard for me to have high hopes that i won't be deferred or flat out ignored after submitting my paperwork. it's also frustrating to have this occur after being denied disability. according to SSA, i am fit to work. according to CSL, i am unfit to lay in a bed and donate blood. these 2 things contradict each other. i'd rather work than rely on plasma money or monthly disability anyway. however coming off of a job that had me experiencing hallucinations along with symptoms i haven't dealt with since i was originally diagnosed in 2007 has me taking several things into consideration while filling out job applications.
a few weeks ago i had a "friend" tell me they don't believe in schizophrenia because they're lutheran. i'm still lost on the correlation. if it was a joke then it went over my head. i don't think it was a joke and it isn't the first time i've been on the receiving end of some bullshit attitude in regards to my diagnosis. i miss when schizophrenia was irrelevant to me. i miss when i had no reason to give it a 2nd thought. as much as i appreciate the empathy it has given me for the struggles of others i still hate the stigma from people who either don't understand, want to deny medical science or just flat out see me as lesser than or a charity case. i'm okay with removing people from my life instead of exhausting myself trying to explain what it's like. especially when it's coming from someone who says things like "that's gay" or says "Indians" in regards to Native Americans. i'd be better off spending my time talking to a wall or just going back to pacing and arguing with myself.
why are you still reading this?
while i was in the ER they drew blood and when i went to go donate plasma the girl doing my intake at CSL noticed the needle mark and i had to go see the nurse. i explained to the nurse why it was there and was asked to bring in paperwork proving i went to the ER. i brought in the paperwork which lead to them seeing why i went to the ER. now it was no longer about the needle mark but my mental health diagnosis was now the concern.
when i first started donating in 2011 i told them my diagnosis because i was on meds for it at the time. i donated regularly off and on over the years and by 2022 my records at CSL showed that i hadn't been on meds for a long time. i gave them the paperwork they asked for and had my doctor fill out the form they wanted. i brought it to them and continuously got the runaround from their nurse and on site doctor. i never got a response as to where my paperwork with my private health info ended up after it was passed along from front desk person, to nurse, to doctor. i gave up after a few months of being put on hold until the line disconnected. i was told i'd get callbacks from the doctor and never did.
i bring all this up because today i went to BioLife as a new donor and went through all the beginning stages of donating plasma with them and their questionairre asked specifically if i had ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia or bipolar. i hit yes. the next question asked if i'd ever been hospitalized. i hit yes. i had to meet with their nurse and had to elaborate on these questions, which i expected. i was then told i couldn't donate today and given paperwork for my doctor to fill out so they can determine if i am eligible.
i understand that this isn't a concrete no or a deferral. it's disheartening to think that because of my diagnosis that i can't be trusted to make my own decision to donate plasma. after my experience with CSL, it's hard for me to have high hopes that i won't be deferred or flat out ignored after submitting my paperwork. it's also frustrating to have this occur after being denied disability. according to SSA, i am fit to work. according to CSL, i am unfit to lay in a bed and donate blood. these 2 things contradict each other. i'd rather work than rely on plasma money or monthly disability anyway. however coming off of a job that had me experiencing hallucinations along with symptoms i haven't dealt with since i was originally diagnosed in 2007 has me taking several things into consideration while filling out job applications.
a few weeks ago i had a "friend" tell me they don't believe in schizophrenia because they're lutheran. i'm still lost on the correlation. if it was a joke then it went over my head. i don't think it was a joke and it isn't the first time i've been on the receiving end of some bullshit attitude in regards to my diagnosis. i miss when schizophrenia was irrelevant to me. i miss when i had no reason to give it a 2nd thought. as much as i appreciate the empathy it has given me for the struggles of others i still hate the stigma from people who either don't understand, want to deny medical science or just flat out see me as lesser than or a charity case. i'm okay with removing people from my life instead of exhausting myself trying to explain what it's like. especially when it's coming from someone who says things like "that's gay" or says "Indians" in regards to Native Americans. i'd be better off spending my time talking to a wall or just going back to pacing and arguing with myself.
why are you still reading this?
